What is the search when you have everything around you?
Why is that you constantly look for something that you know you can never have it?
Why?  Why does one feel so lonely and unworthy that you don't feel to should care enough for urself ?
Am I depressed?
Do I need help?
Why do I search for peace in someone I know I will never find

Love, this word has ruined everything I belived
 Everything I thought life would deserve. Coz everytime I trusted and let myself being out open has just caused pain and nothing else. To an extent I can't say I am lonely out loud, why? Thanks to the society and the so called relationship I have .. sometimes it's just not love but being respected as an individual.. As a person or soul I always wished to be loved and respected to be an individual. Is this wrong? 

Love doesn't always confide to just to be in a relationship but it much more than that.. we indian women are always taught to be one man doesn't matter if that man really respects you as a person or not .. but stay there.. be patient.. for him to understand. 

The moment I talk out loud people tell me I am playing by victim card.. I laugh .. am I? Did I really sound like a victim?? If i did also, did they realise why did I? A woman wants to be loved, touched, loved and I want the same .. am I wrong? Is my outer appearance so dreadful that one can't love or accept me to who I am? So many questions in my mind.. 

Yes, I love intimacy. Is it wrong? I want my partner to be intimate with me.. am i wrong to feel this?? I am ugly or call it fat.. does that stop one from being intimate? Doesn't fat people deserve intimacy? So many things in my head which pushes me to a corner and make me feel unworthy.. i tear with a sadness in my heart so buried down that I cover it with a smile.. a smile huh.. 

I write coz I can't talk.. I can't say a word.. this is killing me within.. I am sure most of us feel the same.. more power to you .. 

Let me know how you feel .. 

Nita